Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
