FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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