The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
