your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
