We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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