im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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