i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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