I can text with my tongue
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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