I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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