And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
