hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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