his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
