I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
