just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
