Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
