were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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