I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
