that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
