she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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