I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
