All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
