I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
