does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
