he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
