the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
