my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
