Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
