the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
