Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
