Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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