I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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