Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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