The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
