She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
