I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize