I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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