he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
