Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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