My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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