Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish my penis had a tongue
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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