ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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