You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Porn is love you can see.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
