i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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