Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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