Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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