So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
