Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize