you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
