He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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