in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
