Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
