I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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