guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You've changed since you got that strap on
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