It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
