I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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