I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
