I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We are two peas in an std pod
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
