I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize