You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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