Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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