This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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