'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ugly people sure do ruin things
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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