I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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