my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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