I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
