We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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