I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
