Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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