he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
