The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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